Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Melania Trumps Education

(Pre-disclaimer disclaimer: I do not endorse either political party. If Hillary Clinton committed a crime, then Charon will meet her at the dock and turn her ass away because she don’t have enough coins in the world for him…)

One of our favorite talking heads, Melania Trump, probably plagiarized the shit out of a speech that was previously given by Michelle Obama. What if…

We take the same people who were applauding Melanie Trump…
Put them into the Delorian…
Make them watch Michelle Obama give the same speech…
(would they clap their hands?)
Hell naw. 

I had a nice conversation with a friend a couple of weeks ago over glasses of bubbly Mountain Dew and a plate of grapes. My friend, whose name is Bob (not really, it’s Robert, but that’s not really his name, either), said, “What does Trump teach us about America, if we vote for him? That you can bully your way to power?”

Damn, son. Preach on! 

I like what Bob said. I also like what Melanie Trump said during the GOP convention. If you don’t know what I’m talking ‘bout, then use something called Google. It’s the latest in 21st century technology. According to political critics everywhere, Melania Trophy (Trump, actually) plagiarized a rabble-rousing, inspirational speech given by Michelle Obama. You can fact-check me by using Twitter, where all the credible sources are.

As an educator, I love the fact that Melania Trumpf plagiarized a speech. Ms. (Mrs.?) Jack of Spades gave the entire academic world permission to plagiarize the shit out of everything. I don’t have to grade a single essay… ever… from now on.

Next week, nobody will give a damn about Melania Talking Head. “Donald Trump is furious at this, furious I say!” Good for him. Because it will blow over, and people who were going to vote for him anyway are not going to change their mind. Herr Trump has repeatedly done a lot of stupid shit to get the Republican nomination, proving that people absolutely LOVE to go to the circus, and that Americans love their gladiator sports. Heil Ceasar! Mrs. Clinton, the infamous cuckold who has apparently never used a computer in her life (nor does she know what NSA is, or the Patriot Act… or shit… maybe she never scrolls down and reads the entire DISCLAIMER when she signs up for crap and she checks the stupid box. Who does that?), has also done some pretty stupid shit. So she is not excused.

Melania Trump is just giving America what they want: remakes. OH, DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THAT GHOSTBUSTER REMAKE! It’s too bad that Shakespeare was the only human being to have an original idea, or we would be digging his ass up and suing him for plagiarizing the Greeks. That would be fun. 

My friend Bob had a good point when he explained what he thinks Trump teaches America; I take it to heart now, because I think Melania Trump teaches us that you don’t have to do Jack OR shit to make it in America. Just copy stuff, apologize, and people will forget it next week.

What’s Donald Trump going to do to his wife? Fire her? Hahahahahahahahaha…

If one of the most prominent people in the country can get away with committing a crime that can actually get your cheatin’ ass kicked OUT of college, then why bother telling people they shouldn’t cheat?

Well, Vince, she’s rich, white, and pretty. She’s also a woman.

Okay, great. Thanks for letting me know.

I mean, Hillary isn’t going to model a bikini for us anytime soon, and she’s still getting away with crime (Richard Nixon would have loved email, I think, and it’s too bad he was driven from the Oval Office, because a lot of dead Cambodians appreciate what he did to liberate them from the communist threat). So you CANNOT argue that Melania Trump is going to get away with plagiarism because she is pretty. I mean, I have not seen her on Brazzers.com ONE TIME, and I have checked, believe me. So she isn’t considered a “Milf” or anything like that.

I will never again have to reprimand a student for plagiarism. Melania Trump can do it, and nobody cares. It’s fun to write about it on social media, and it’s even better to blog about it so that you get more clicks (I should have some advertising on my blog, shouldn’t I?). Nothing to see here, folks. One politician gets away with a crime, and so does another.

Hey Bob, would you vote for Donald Trump? I mean, whoever sits in the Oval Office is supposed to be some kind of representative, an icon, a powerful figure, captain of the JV squad, etc., etc. 

“He teaches Americans that you can bully people into getting what you want and you can get away with it.”

Vince, get out and vote if you care so much.

Dude, ya’ll are trippin’. I would rather be the Rage Against the Machine of academia than Malcolm X; I would rather talk a big game and hopefully inspire the children I teach to WANT SOMETHING BETTER than the absolutely SHITTY choices we have in front of us. 

Thomas Jefferson believed that the Constitution is a “living” document. He also helped inspire a revolution in France that was pretty damn brutal. What’s the point of having a revolution if we just end up back where we started? What’s the point of all the rhetoric if we just end up with the same talking heads? People are so keen to say amazingly-impactful things like; "This is not what the founding fathers intended!"... as if they had a Delorian and they were NOT sharing, which is a punishable offense that should earn at least 30 lashes. 

When I teach students to analyze political speeches, they are positively amazed at how stupid the crowds look on camera as they eat every pile of horse feces that is scooped into their mouths. And believe me, folks, we analyze all ten political parties. There are really only two, though; evil and evil. 

I may never again be able to fail a student for plagiarism, but I will do my damndest to make sure those students, and my chitlens, learn how to think for themselves and stab GROUPTHINK in the chest with a serrated knife.