Thursday, June 18, 2015

Meet the Vampire Strippers

Before I introduce you to the world-eating vampire strippers, I want to take a moment to apologize. You see, the book’s title is a bit misleading. Let’s say you walk into a book store, want a fun, quick escapist-style book to check out, and you see this crazy-ass title on the shelf. I know when I make a bowl of popcorn and watch Die Hard, I’m looking forward to watching a fun movie with explosions. I loved the Mad Max movie that came out this summer, and I enjoy the occasional super hero (or is it superhero) film. Vampire Strippers from Saturn is a bit on the “literary” end, however, so anyone who cracked open the cover and saw THIS should have been warned:

I figured the Kindle previewer would show this page on Amazon, but I also realize that not all retail outlets that have the book will let you crack the book open to see that big warning. “TURN BACK! THERE’S A VERY STRONG CHANCE THIS WAS NOT THE DROID YOU WERE LOOKING FOR.” 

Why the hell did a book with such a cool title have to be literary? Isn’t that just clever marketing? I don’t think so. I didn’t intentionally write a book that would provoke ire and “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?” type responses.

Our vampire strippers are a fragment of the multiverse. Think of the multiverse as having an alternate reality for every possibility that might occur in any given moment in time. So there is an infinite number of universes and realities and whatnot. The vampire strippers have one task: eat planets. Destroy them. They can choose to destroy planets by influencing a growing sense of apathy in the planet’s population--which is a very slow death--or they can convince world leaders to initiate a cataclysmic war that would just blow everyone up.

This is where it gets tricky.

The vampire strippers have enemies. They are called plots—and they are what we might think of as demons. They can shapeshift at will, and they wish not to destroy planets, but prevent those planets from destruction by creating a constant state of chaos (Hell, basically). 

When our vampires appear around the fringes of Saturn, they decide on the apathetic route, and Earth, in this particular universe, is the last planet with sentient life. Our vampiresses decide which form they will take, and who will get to fall in love with a human to begin toppling the dominoes. 

The leader of the trio assigns roles for them, since the planned method of destruction is considered “self-indulgent.” 

Let’s introduce them:
(Be careful not to judge a book by its cover…)

Rene (modeled by Ava Gardner)––Will “spread the vampire infection”

The leader of our trio, Rene has decided to use apathy to ruin Earth. To destroy the world, she will begin by creating a cult of followers that worship her. The plan is ultimately a stupid one, because she will use love and sexuality as a means to expose the apathetic tendencies of the human race, and she does not foresee the struggle that awaits her. 

Nicole (modeled by Lady Gaga)—Will “fall in love”

Thousands of years after the vampire strippers come to Earth, the “slow process” of humanity’s annihilation continues; Rene’s strategy will ensure a slow end. In the far future, women make up the majority of the population, but they are hunted and treated like pets by the men who rule the world (who are also in the minority, along with some robot animals). In the future, Nicole resents Rene because her experience and role in the world’s destruction was ruined by Rene. Nicole sends a half-horse, half-human named Emilio into the distant past to hurt Rene emotionally. Nicole believes that if she can destroy Rene in the past, then she can alter what happens when she herself falls in love. Despite all of Nicole’s eternal wisdom, she doesn’t know shit about time travel. 

Madison (modeled by Christy Mack)—Will be “worshipped.” 
Madison wants nothing to do with any of Rene’s plans. She wants the very thing that Nicole has been assigned, and since Earth is the last stop in this universe, she understands that a world predicated on chaos will also be a world that involves emotion and passion. Madison makes a deal with the plots to help make the struggle for Earth a quick one. 

I hope that you can see the layers upon layers of ideas that spawned this book. To date, this is my most honest work. I promise that it was not meant to make people “work” to read, nor was it meant to be utterly pretentious. The book spins upon the axis of emotion… 

You can buy this book all over the place. If you buy it directly from the publisher, corporate American megabucks instead go to an independent publisher of awesome shit. They're called Perpetual Motion Machine Publishing, and a lot of their books are really good. I bought some of them. 
Here's their website:

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Dream Cast for Zombie Ascension 3: SAINT PAIN

I absolutely love doing fantasy lineups for movies. A part of me loves the idea that readers should be able to envision characters on their own; the fanboy in me used to speculate about who would play Aragorn in a Lord of the Rings movie, until at last, those movies came out.

FIRST, let me show you the cover. It's awesome.

The book is an exploration of post-traumatic stress disorder in an apocalyptic setting. Make no mistake: my zombie books are horror novels. These books are not recommended for folks under 17 years of age. 

Here are the dream cast lists for the first two books:

I'm not giving anything away by telling the audience that Vega and Traverse have survived the first two books, considering that their names are in this book's description. I think Michelle Rodriguez should get top billing, and this is the perfect series for her; she's Vega, and Daniel Craig is Traverse. Rodriguez has kicked a lot of ass in a lot of movies, including zombies in the Resident Evil flicks. I think she can be the lead and do some serious damage. 


A racist, hateful woman who has made it her business to survive by any means necessary. Angelica finds people in the ruins and “trades” them to one of three different locations for supplies. She prefers to work alone, but solitude has begun to take its toll on her sanity. I like Sasha Grey in the role because I think she can do something a bit “different” with her acting career and would be believable behind the scope of a sniper rifle. Besides… Noomi Rapace isn’t available (I cast her in another movie). 

Bill Bailey

Who wouldn’t pay to see Clay Matthews fight zombies? Well, Bill Bailey is a young football player who has every bit of the “hero complex” about him, because all he wants to do is help people. On the surface, Bill seems like a walking stereotype, but there’s a reason why he is always willing to put everything on the line to do the right thing. Clay Matthews and Billy Bailey play different positions in football, but… it’s Clay Matthews. Fighting zombies. That’s awesome.


After surviving a year in Windsor with her son, Brian, she finally ventures across the border to find the man she loves, a lawyer named Desmond. Bella is a hardened survivor and understands how and why survival groups fall apart. Brian abandoned her, but she still talks to him…

I think Halley Berry just needs to make a movie, and I think it has been a while since she took on a dynamic role. Bella isn't a gun-toting zombie killer like many of the characters in this series, so her character will stand out from the crowd. 


Russell Crowe is one of my least favorite actors, but I think this is a good role for him. Crowe can be loud and crazy, and I can see him wielding a flamethrower (SPOILER: this book contains a flamethrower). Sutter is a Black Ops specialist who specializes in starting insurrections; he has a knack for inspiring loyalty. He’s got the biggest “salvage” operation in Detroit, and he is closely associated with the infamous Egypt mission from which the zombie apocalypse was born.

Mystery Character

This is the end of a trilogy, and I have not cast Tom Savini in a single movie. There are several major roles up for grabs, but at the end of the day, Tom gets to pick, because he’s a legend in the zombie genre. A American zombie movie without Tom Savini, or an acknowledgement of Tom Savini’s existence, can never be good enough. 

OH CRAP! I forgot to post a link for the book. Right now, it's available as an ebook on Amazon. As I write this, the paperback is about a week or two away.


Friday, March 20, 2015


Strip clubs and music go together like cookies and the Cookie Monster; they cannot exist independently. Well, they could, but they would suck without each other (that might be a pun, and if it is, I didn't mean it). 

Whenever I think of strippers, there is an image in my mind of women dancing in ancient temples with torchlight flickering beneath a halo of stars and night. Kind of. 

My novel, Vampire Strippers from Saturn, is a manifestation of specific songs that I  listened to while creating the novel. These songs are very responsible for the book, more than I am, really. I blame them all. The strip club in my novel seems to have sort of an 80s music theme, with a sprinkle of other songs. Now, before you look at the list, please know that I listen to a lot of rap music while writing my Zombie Ascension books... rap and hip-hop were INTENTIONALLY left out of this book for a thematic purpose. 

I really, really think the reading experience is enhanced by these songs, even if you don't like them. I like to think this would be the soundtrack to a movie version of the narrative. 

If you're a Green Day fan, there is one particular stripper in the novel who is a huge fan, but the other strippers are not. 

Soundtrack (in order of appearance)

“Minerva” by the Deftones
“Bloodstone” by Judas Priest
“Big Spender” by Peggy Lee
Green Day (no specific songs listed sadly)
“The End” by Rush
“In My Time of Dying” by Led Zeppelin
“Harvester of Eyes” by Blue Oyster Cult
“Tales of Brave Ulysses” by Cream
“Closer” by Nine in Nails
“One of These Nights” by The Eagles
“Obsession” by Animotion
“Hold Me” by Fleetwood Mac
“Nasty Girl” by Vanity 6
“I Want Your Sex” by George Michael
“Saints in Hell” by Judas Priest
“No More No More” by Aerosmith
“Hey Jude” by The Beatles
“Karma Chameleon” by Boy George
“You Say Yes” by Judas Priest
“Spreading the Disease" by Queensryche
“Touch Too Much” by AC/DC
“Dazed and Confused” by Led Zeppelin
“Rag Doll” by Aerosmith
“Slow Ride” by Foghat
“Turning Circles” by Judas Priest

CLICK HERE TO PRE-ORDER THE BOOK  (it will download to your Kindle automatically on March 30th). 

Tuesday, March 3, 2015


Been staying plenty busy promoting vampire strippers, and at the same time, I have a new book coming out, which happens to include strippers who are also vampires. In the spirit of keeping everything in one place, I will post all the new stuff here.

Here is a link that features an interview over at Dead End Follies. Although it might seem a bit on the snarky side, I took everything seriously, and almost all of it is true. 

Over at Ginger Nuts of Horror, I wrote a featured article about the infamous question people like to ask artists: "WHAT INSPIRES YOU?" I explain why the question isn't so horrible.

Here's a review of Vampire Strippers from Saturn that is both poetic and highly quotable. I think the gentleman who wrote the article did a great job articulating what readers should expect, and the type of audience that would enjoy the book.

FINALLY... you can preorder the Kindle version at the following link, and it will download to your Kindle device as soon as the book comes out. There will be a paperback version, too. 

Thanks for stopping by. I will likely run some kind of contest involving vampire strippers, though it's challenging to work with them because a lot of them are thinking about migrating to Mars. 

Monday, February 16, 2015

New Covers (Some Kind of Update)

A lot of time has passed since I posted something to the ol’ blog. Meanwhile, the world has been turning. Weird.

On the outside looking in, it seems like I haven’t been all that productive. A lot of great things are happening over at Bizarro Pulp Press, which I am proud to be part of. If you like your fiction a bit “different” than “normal” stuff, go on over and see what we’ve got going on.

I've been hard at work on Saint Pain, the conclusion to the Zombie Ascension trilogy. I can empathize with George R. R. Martin a little (just a little); writing a series is difficult, on so many levels, especially if you’re extremely committed to the characters and allow them a chance to dictate where the story goes. Saint Pain is nearly 400 pages in length at this point in draft form, not counting what has to be added, rewritten, deleted, etc. To say it has been a labor of love would be selling it short.

Meanwhile, the covers for the first two books were updated by Severed Press. Check them out!

On March 30th, Vampire Strippers from Saturn will be published from Perpetual Motion Machine Publishing. The title should be sort of a dead-giveaway; Saturn is a gas planet. Vampires couldn’t “come from” Saturn, could they? The book is a romantic horror-satire with a bit of time travel thrown in (okay, a lot of time travel). The cover art is by George C. Cotronis 

A new poetry narrative will be coming out this year, tentatively called Visions of a Tremulous Man. I have a couple other projects that I’m shopping around, but these days, Bizarro Pulp Press, moving into a new house, and getting ready for our third child has pretty much consumed my life (and that of my family).

I’m promising myself that I will update this thing again sooner rather than later. I should have the dream cast up for Vampire Strippers from Saturn very soon.